The Truth About Welfare

By Christopher Moore

This one’s a political piñata every election cycle — easily top five debate topics — not because people care to understand it, but because too many have been brainwashed to parrot ignorant talking points like they’re gospel.

The left says welfare is about basic human decency. They’re correct.
The right says it gets abused. They’re correct, too.
Both truths can live in the same room without burning it down.

Here’s the take you won’t see on Fox, MSNBC, or in the Facebook rant of your uncle who still thinks “bootstraps” are a universal fix: welfare is an investment in people. And it’s one that has already paid for itself a thousand times over.

I Know, Because I’m a Dividend

I am a product of the welfare system — so were most of my childhood friends.
And no, our moms weren’t lazy. Every one of them worked. That’s actually why we got into so much trouble as kids — nobody was home. These women were single-handedly raising families in an economy that punished single-income households, especially when that single income was minimum wage or close to it.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 73% of households receiving SNAP benefits have at least one working adult. So spare me the fantasy that it’s a hammock for the lazy. It’s a life raft for the working poor — people like my mom. And compared to a lot of parents today, she was a goddamn superhero.

And here’s something the “welfare makes people soft” crowd will never understand — we learned humility and empathy young. We grew up seeing struggle up close, watching neighbors help each other when nobody had much to give. That gave us more compassion — and more backbone — than most trust fund kids will ever develop while sipping lattes on their parents’ dime.

Dear “No Soda on Food Stamps” Crowd…

You can respectfully go fuck yourself.
As a kid, I used “funny money” — the old paper food stamps before EBT — to grab a soda and a snack after playing baseball all day. I can promise you it wasn’t the champagne and lobster buffet you picture in your small mind.

We spend billions in subsidies every year to prop up corn syrup and processed food manufacturers, and you’re worried about a kid getting a Mountain Dew? Cute priorities.

Welfare Gives Back More Than You Think

The welfare class produces more U.S. service members than any other group. One in five enlisted troops grew up in households below the poverty line. So at the very least, Uncle Sam’s already been paid back — in sweat, blood, and body bags.

And that’s just one return on investment. Millions of kids like me went on to work, pay taxes, and raise their own families without needing assistance. You won’t see those stories on the campaign trail because “welfare success stories” don’t drive donations like “welfare queens” do.

Follow the Real Money

Here’s the kicker — while you’re losing your mind over a single mom buying Gatorade, Congress writes trillion-dollar checks for corporate bailouts, tax loopholes, and endless wars.

The Pentagon “lost track” of over $220 billion in equipment. Corporate tax avoidance costs the U.S. about $100 billion a year. The Iraq War alone burned through $2 trillion. But yeah, tell me again how the real problem is a kid with a candy bar.

We misappropriate public funds on a scale so massive it makes welfare fraud — which is about 1.3% of the budget — look like a rounding error. And yet, election after election, the outrage machine points you toward other people’s children in the grocery store checkout line instead of the corporate boardroom.

Feeding children isn’t “fraud” on any level.

Weird flex, fanboy.

-The Gun Loving Hippie Dad … Who Fixes Stuff

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