The Math Just Doesn’t Work: Why I Can’t Take Religion Seriously

By Christopher Moore

I didn’t write this to be edgy.
I didn’t write this to piss people off.
I wrote this because the math doesn’t work.

I’ve sat in churches.
I’ve read the books.
I’ve had the long, late-night talks.
But when you zoom out—when you really lay it all out on the table—
it just doesn’t add up.

I’ve chewed on this for years.
Not out of rebellion.
Not because I’m in some edgy atheist phase.
Just because I’m wired to ask questions—especially when the math ain’t mathin’.

Let’s start with the raw numbers:
About 117 billion people have ever walked this planet.
Let’s sit with that for a second.
117 billion souls.
Different languages. Different tribes. Different gods. Different books. Different rules.

And you mean to tell me—out of all the ancient and modern religions that ever existed—only one got it right?
Everybody else?
The Egyptians? The Mayans? The Buddhists? The Hindus? The Vikings?
The tribes in the Amazon who’ve never even heard the word “Jesus”?

All wrong? By default?
Just eternally screwed because of where they were born or what they were taught?

That’s not faith.
That’s bad math.
That’s a statistical impossibility being sold as absolute truth.

The Breakdown:

Let’s go full nerd for a second:
Christianity: ~31%
Islam: ~24%
Hinduism: ~15%
Buddhism: ~7%
Folk/Tribal religions: ~6%
Non-religious/atheist: ~16%
Everything else: <1% maybe?

(*numbers from last 2000 years)

Even if you’re in the “biggest religion” on earth,
you’re still in the minority of all humans who have ever lived.

Go back 2,000 years? Christianity wasn’t even on the board yet.
Go back 4,000 years? The dominant religions don’t even exist anymore.

So which one is “right?”
The one your parents taught you?
The one your country favors?
The one that happened to survive conquest and colonization?

It’s not divine truth.
It’s a lottery ticket.
It’s geography.
It’s marketing.

And when you frame it like that, it doesn’t sound holy.
It sounds like a long game of telephone—passed from empire to empire, rewritten, mistranslated, and weaponized.

The Greatest Hits: Same God, Different Editions

Let’s break down the Big Three, because honestly, they’re all playing in the same stadium.

A. The Torah: The Original Blueprint

Storyline: God builds the world, picks His squad (the Israelites), and drops a rulebook the size of a toolbox.

Big Players: Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses

Iconic Moments:

– Creation in six days

– The great flood, Earth’s factory reset

– Ten Commandments: engraved, no refunds

Core Vibe: Hardcore, tribal, survival mode.

B. The Bible: The Plot Twist Sequel

Storyline: Jesus rolls in, flips tables, loves misfits, and pulls the ultimate redemption arc.

Big Players: Jesus, Mary, Paul, Peter

Iconic Moments:
– Turns water into wine, instant party legend
– Dies, resurrects, shifts the entire timeline
– Revelation: the original end-of-the-world blockbuster

Core Vibe: Starts strict, ends with grace. Like the gritty reboot that turns into a forgiveness tour.

C. The Quran: The Final Draft

Storyline: Muslims believe this is the direct, uncut, final message. No sequels. No edits.

Big Players: Muhammad, Jesus (yep, He’s in here too), Moses, Abraham

Iconic Moments:
– Muhammad’s night journey (basically God’s VIP tour)
– Calls for discipline, charity, and prayer
– Heavy focus on personal accountability

Core Vibe: Direct. Poetic. Get your act together.

The Contradictions: Can’t All Be Right

Hi kids. Do you like violence?

Old Testament: Eye for an eye.
New Testament: Turn the other cheek.
Quran: Justice and mercy, depending on the verse.

So… do we teach our kids to throw hands or hug it out?

The Bacon Wars:

Torah: No bacon. Kosher forever.
Quran: No bacon. Halal rules.
Bible: Peter has a vision that bacon’s back on the menu. Christians: Fire up the grill.

So bacon’s evil—unless it’s Saturday and you’re a Christian?

God’s Favorite People:

Torah: Israelites.
Bible: Christians.
Quran: Muslims.

All claiming the same God, but each convinced they’ve got the backstage pass.

Peace or War?

All three books have verses about love.
All three have verses about war.
The same book can build hospitals or start holy wars depending on who’s holding the highlighter.

Religion is the original choose-your-own-adventure book.

Real-World Impacts: When Faith Hits the Street

Judaism:
– Survived exile, slavery, persecution. Still here.
– Shaped law, ethics, and gave us the weekend. (Thanks, Shabbat.)
Christianity:
– Went global like a McDonalds franchise.
– Built hospitals and orphanages.
– Also built crusades, inquisitions, and forced conversions.
Islam:
– Drove golden ages in science, math, and medicine.
– Also hijacked by radicals who skipped the part where it says, “Don’t kill innocent people.”

The Hard Truth

The books aren’t the problem.
The people are.

All three preach:
– Love your neighbor.
– Take care of the weak.
– Don’t be greedy.
– Respect your Creator.

But humans?
We cherry-pick.
We misquote.
We weaponize faith to justify our own crap.

We don’t want to be righteous.
We want to be right.

And that’s burned more villages than any devil ever has.

Final Thought

Most people don’t find their religion.
Their religion finds them.
It’s geography.
It’s family.
It’s the water you were raised in.

And most people never question it.
But I did.
Because my mind was wired to.

I’m not here to drag your beliefs.
I’m here to question the math.
Because when you stack the numbers, the timelines, and the contradictions—
the math just doesn’t work.

If there is something bigger out there—
maybe it’s so big, no book could ever capture it.

And if there really is an all-powerful God—
then He made me this way.
Curious. Skeptical. Always pulling on the loose threads.

So maybe I’m supposed to write this.
Maybe I’m supposed to ask these questions out loud.
Maybe I was built to notice when the math doesn’t work.

Because when you zoom out—when you really add it all up—
it just doesn’t.

And maybe, just maybe,
the real test was never about picking the right jersey.
Maybe it was about being a decent human no matter what team you’re on.

– The Gun Loving Hippie Dad … Who Fixes Stuff

Rants, repairs, and realness